New group encourages men to speak about their struggles with mental health issues

“We’re nobody special, just two blokes who are tired of seeing men killing themselves”.

I’m sitting in an upstairs room at the base of Changes, a charity offering peer support to people living with mental health issues in my hometown of Stoke-on-Trent. Gathered around on the sagging sofas are half a dozen other men, all of them, like me sipping coffee and looking a little uncomfortable.

Out of more than six thousand suicides recorded in 2013 78% involved men, according to the 2014 Adult Psychiatric Morbidity Survey one in eight males in the UK, 12.2% of the population, showed symptoms of a common mental health problem (source: The Mental Health Foundation).

Despite the size of the problem and its obvious social impact it isn’t something we talk about. Thanks to generations of social conditioning out stiff upper lips stay firmly closed.

This is something Ron and Craig, the likeably blokish duo behind Men Unite, a support network that began on Facebook and is now expanding into the real world want to change.

They might just do it too; in a matter of months their group has grown from a handful of friends to more than a thousand members in sixty-seven countries.

Both men spoke with genuine honesty about their own brushes with mental distress.

Craig talked about struggling with drug addiction and the troubles that follow on from it, debt, deceit and, for him, a short spell in prison. He has since rebuilt his life and career.

Ron, the owner of a successful construction business, spoke about how earlier this year he had found himself standing on a bridge next to the nearby Britannia Stadium on the point of jumping. “Best f*****g view in the city” he jokes, an example of the gallows humour men are programmed to use to mask their emotions.

What he says strikes a chord with Chris*, a softly spoken man who, until tonight has never spoken openly about his struggles with mental distress. He describes how despite having a good job and a happy family life depression hit him with a sucker punch a little over a year ago.

Sam*, spoke about how he had ‘struggled with depression’ all his life and as a result been bullied at school. Through volunteering with Changes, he has found recovery and a way to help others.

The message behind the Men Unite ‘project’, if it can be call that, it is early days and both Ron and Craig would, I’m sure, be the first to admit, are still very much flying by the seat of their pants, is one of solidarity. They don’t want to be victims whining about their troubles; they want to find a way to live with them without being overwhelmed.

That is why they are working with Changes, MIND, Staffordshire Police and the NHS to help men develop ways to be open about the challenges they face and of supporting each other to move on into recovery.

Later over coffee I speak to Sue*, a full-time worker with Changes, “things would be so much easier if men spoke about their feelings” she says, adding, “maybe the people here tonight will start that process”.

She has a point, author Mark Green writes about the ‘man box’, the tight space cultural expectations require men to pack their emotions into allowing them a drastically limited range of expression

This has serious consequences for our physical and mental health, leading to addiction, depression, violence and social isolation. The impact of these can be seen on a societal level too, with men transferring the emotional pain they cannot express into crime, domestic violence and suicide.

Men Unite is still in its salad days, when attracting members is easy and anything seems possible. Being viable in the long-term is a more difficult road paved with bureaucracy and potential disappointment as the pace of growth inevitably slows down to something more manageable.

Their aims are honest, even noble, ones and they are seeking to attain them with a cheerful irreverence that is manly in the best possible way. For the good of half the population in need of a voice to speak about its pain it is to be hoped they succeed.

*Some names used in this article have been changed in the interests of confidentiality.