Even in a society that is often has a fascination with the
darker areas of human nature that borders on the unhealthy some events cause
genuine shock and, maybe, prompt self-reflection.
That has been the case with the abduction and murder of
Sarah Everard, a crime that has exposed the grinding daily experience of
harassment, abuse and all too often violence faced by women in the UK.
The 33year-old marketing executive disappeared near to
Clapham Common in South London on a Monday evening in early March. Two days
later remains found in woodland in Kent were identified as being those of MS
Everard.
Wayne Couzins, a serving officer with the Metropolitan
Police, has been charged with her murder. An unnamed woman arrested on
suspicion of aiding him to conceal the crime has been released on bail.
The murder has prompted an outpouring of grief across the
country with many women speaking out about the abuse they have faced and the
attitudes they meet when seeking help from the authorities.
An example of this is the advice for young women to avoid
going out after dark in the interests of safety issued by the Met. To which
Green Party life peer Jenny Jones responded in a House of Lords debate by
suggesting that an alternative approach could be to impose a six o'clock curfew
on men. A comment that neatly exposed official hypocrisy and ignited a storm of
protest on social media.
It is a cruel coincidence that the murder of Sarah Everard
coincided with the annual parliamentary debate held in honour of International
Women's Day.
This year Jess Phillips, who speaks for Labour on domestic
violence, opened the debate by reading out the names of 118 women who have been
murdered in cases where a man has been convicted or charged with the
crime. In her speech she went on to say
that violence against women was 'a thing we've all just accepted as part of our
daily lives'.
Responding to claims made earlier by Metropolitan Police
Commissioner Cressida Dick that crimes such as the murder of Sarah Everard were
rare Jess Phillips said 'killed women are not vanishingly rare. Killed women
are common.
Statistics for violence and other crimes committed by men
against women are truly horrifying. Over
the course of their lifetime 1in 4 women will experience domestic violence and
1in 5 will be sexually assaulted, 83% of these women will not report the crime
to the police (source: The Home Office).
These figures relate to pre-Covid times, since the start of
the pandemic things have got worse, between March and June last year there was
a 7% rise in reports of domestic
violence made to the police, the number of incidents that actually took place
will be much higher with many victims being afraid of unable to seek help
(source: ONS).
Women's rights campaign group Reclaim These Streets
announced plans to hold a vigil in memory of Sarah Everard on Clapham Common on
Saturday evening, this was later cancelled due to concerns about a possible
breach of Covid rules.
An unofficial vigil
did take place on Saturday evening and was broken up by the police. The
resulting scenes of male police officers arresting, often with the use of
force, female protesters were broadcast by news stations around the world.
Two hundred women and representatives of campaign groups
signed letter highlighting how 'women are still at risk doing the most-simple
of things', such as using public transport and calling for a 'firm commitment '
from the government to take action.
Responding to public concerns prime minister Boris Johnson
told the BBC he was 'shocked and deeply saddened' by what had happened to Sarah
Everard, adding that 'we must all work to find the answer to this horrifying
crime'.
Also speaking to the BBC Labour leader Keir Starmer said
the case must be a 'turning point' in how our society treats violence against
women.
That something must change is all too clear, the untimely
death of a young woman living a normal, quiet, life had shone an unforgiving
light on things we always knew were there; but chose to ignore. For decades
women have spoken up about a culture that turns a blind eye to casual sexual
harassment and worse, only to be dismissed as hysterical or lying.
Now in this moment of shock and anger we know that not to
be true and, as is the often the case we demand that something be done. There
is a lot that can and should be done.
We need, for example, invest in funding women's
refuges and to end the disgraceful
practice where when a woman has the courage to bring her abuser to court she is
then doubly traumatized by being quizzed on the stand about whether her behaviour in some way provoked what
happened.
To date successive governments have proved to be willing to
say the right things about violence against women, but decidedly slow when it
comes to acting. An example of this being the signing of the Istanbul
Convention on Preventing and Combating Violence Against Women and Domestic
Violence put forward by the Council of
Europe in 2011 by the Cameron government, a decade on it still hasn't been
ratified by parliament.
If, as the prime minister says, we are going to 'find the
answers to this horrifying crime ', then we, meaning men, will have to take a
close look at ourselves. As the letter
written to the government by women's rights groups makes clear ' something has
to change and it cannot be on women, the victims in this, to lead that change'.
What we need to look closely at is the culture of
masculinity and whether in its current form it is fit for purpose in the twenty
first century. On the evidence available that does not seem to be the case.
What it means to be a man
in modern Britain is based to a worryingly large extent on a tightly
circumscribed set of attitudes and behaviours, such as not showing your
emotions or asking for help, that men are conditioned to 'perform' from
childhood. This creates what Paul Kievel of the Oakland Men's Project and
others have termed as the 'man box', a harsh orthodoxy where fear and shame are
used to police behaviour.
This has a damaging impact in the physical and emotional
health of many men. Evidence of which can be seen in, for example in men being
14% more likely than women to develop cancer and 37% more likely to die if they
do (source: Cancer Research). Men are three times more likely to commit suicide
and report lower levels of life satisfaction (UK Government Wellbeing Survey/
The Mental Health Foundation).
The fact that many men feel boxed in by self-imposed
expectations and attitudes is damaging for wider society too. Men are more
likely to be victims perpetrate and be victims of violent crime, not least
because they are also more likely to try and mask the feelings they have been
taught are awkward and shameful through substance abuse (source: The Mental
Health Foundation).
The tight squeeze of the 'man box' makes men reluctant to
call out colleagues who say or do things that are inappropriate for fear of
being ridiculed or thought not to be 'one of the lads'. As a result, toxic
attitudes, towards women, people of colour, or anyone who just presents as even
mildly 'different' are normalized along with a dangerously unjustified sense of
entitlement.
Many men will have read the paragraphs above and told
themselves that it does not apply to them, or to their friends. That is what we
all say and what we like to think; it is a dangerously comforting fiction.
To prove the point try a little thought experiment, you're
with friends in a pub and one of the group says something derogatory about a
woman across the room, or implied that one of the other guys is somehow
effeminate for being on soft drinks, do
you call him out? I know what I would most likely do; and it does not make me
feel proud of either myself or my gender.
Sadly, fear that I would keep quiet and dismiss it as just
'banter', drink talking; anything really than some of the things it might be.
Maybe my hypothetical friend is just blowing smoke, saying things he doesn't
mean to try and fit in; then again maybe he means what he says and that masks
darker intentions.
Being trapped in a choke hold by outdated cultural norms does
not excuse male violence, either against women or other men. The harm it does
to us, and others should be a spur to break free. Doing so will not be easy, it
will require imagination and emotion courage. It will require something else
too, time, a lot of time, more than is available in a political cycle where two
weeks is seen as an eternity.
It will be made that much harder by the extent to which
orthodox masculinity is embedded in our political, economic and social life.
You can see its workings in the hostile takeover that costs thousands of people
their jobs; in the political 'debate' that turns into a shouting match.
Most of all it can be seen in the awkward silenced when we
know we should have said something;
but too the easy option of staying quiet. Fault, we must realize, lies in what
we did not do as much as what we did.
The murder of Sarah Everard is a crime that has shocked our
nation to its core, that is right we should be shocked at such a waste of life,
hope and innocence. It should also be
for men a moment for real change, a time to think difficult thoughts and do difficult things; not because that will
make us feel better, but because they
are the only real way to make sure this never happens again.